im just feeling really emotional and upset right now...

im starting to miss him a lot..
its horrible. i just want to call him to say im coming over, or have him call me and him say hes picking me up, but it wont happen..it wont be normal for a long time.
right now, id just want a hug, or to hold his hand for a few minutes. this sucks so bad. so so so bad.

i dunno...it just seems, since me and my ex broke up, i realized how much i like affection. (from some people) ive never gotten much of it. its never been that consistant in my life.
ugh. but i just sit here. alone. again. at this stupid fucking computer.

i think the thing i need most is just the thought that someone is thinking of me. wanting to spend time with me. missing me. wanting to be just with me. but no...no one wants that. not a "boyfriend" or my parents or anyone...no one. no one wants to spend time with me. no one misses me. no one cares for me a millionth of what i care for them.
it seems i swing between being sad over this ongoing ordeal, and then being spiteful, and "not caring" and just saying good riddance to it all...

this is just fabulous. im going to wake up in the morning, and my sisters going to be awake. and im not going to leave the house. cause my mom doesnt want to talk to me, or go anywhere with me...and no one wants to hang out. fabulous.
-jo