i am so miserable right now...im talking to him and i just want to scream out that i love him and i cant....
he seems mad at me.
he has more important things than me
im just a big waste of space in this world.
i mean, really? what am i doing here?
everyone hates me. i have no purpose. im not talented. i just want to die. i feel as if im going crazy cause i have no control over my life and its just spinning kamikaze-style into a downward spiral...
i just need to find a way to end this....
i really wish i could just take a lot of time off to get my head straight. im going crazy. im antsy. i cant finish anything..i just...i dont know..
its welling inside of me again. i know i've inherited some anger problems from my parents and i just get these urges to hurt people physically like how they hurt me emotionally. i really need to seek help for this, and i've told my mother and she just shurgs me off...
where am i to turn to?
i cant believe i lost it at school the other day. i just was pacing and i threw myself on the floor and started rocking back and forth..i just need some time off but i cant do it...im counting down til june 17th. thats the day where i can relax and get my mental stability back.
.....all by myself.....
i dont want to be all alone again. when i was in 5th or 6th grade i spent 3 solid months alone and i went crazy. i watched the star wars trilogy all day and i thought i was princes leia and i would see stuff all the time and talk to myself...i like being alone,but being that alone is just so desperate and desolate..i became so white that summer and when i went back to school, everyone joked that i stayed in and ate all summer (i was really fat...) and didnt leave the house.

im just sick of it all. i wish i didnt have this baggage. i wish i wasnt alone. i wish i had someone i could trust and i wish i didnt long for my bed all day and all nite.
i wish the first thought in my head each day wasnt "i cant wait to go back to bed"
then i stay up all nite cause i know tomorrow is going to just be worse....
what the fuck is wrong with me?