oi vey. Busy.
painting. school. art jerkface.
I miss him.
my future. dealing with my past. staying sane.
I really miss him.
keeping my chin high. witty comments. not enough hours in the day.
I ain't ever dating anyone again.

Seems every day the trouble doubles and leaves me one step behind. I just can't compromise. I need to wise up to the world and see that it's transparent and the population will do anything for a buck.
I gotta admit That I'm included.

I'll sell my material posessions and trade the currency for all my obsessions. I'm materialistic. I know. It fills the void cheaply and flows into all the faucets.

It's all good, I guess. I'm busy. I don't think. I'm alive. Every day is good. I get to do what I love. I don't have to pay for where I live and lately, I feel like I'm middle class instead of tight walkin' on the poverty line like I have the past 17 years. I have a nice backyard with a little garden and cable TV. Diet soda.
I've got it a lot better now than I ever have.
Things aint that bad.
My insides though...They're greedy bastards.
they want a tattoo internship.
and a Stella scooter.
and my Judy Jabsco tattoo.
and lots of clothes.
Lots...and LOTS of clothes.

I need to write more for the movement. the article. Since I was left with nothin' but dust in my hands, I shed my skin and grew up a little....Okay, a lot. I decided that a lot of people in my life are toxic and unneccessary. Petty....you know. Typical people. I don't talk to them anymore. I don't do much of anything, yet I do everything. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I don't talk....I draw, I plan, I work.
By myself.

I kind of like it though. It's made me impatient though cause people just aren't fast enough. When I speak to them, I'm thinking "get to the point." and there IS none. It's probably just cause I'm busy and I have tons to do and need to get things done and over with.

I get out of school on june 17th. after this week, that'll be 5 weeks. Goddammit!
Next year is going to suck too....I can tell.

I want to always be a teenager, but I want to be older and get out of the rut I've been stuck in for so long. I still hold on to things of my past, which I really don't like. At times, I wish I could let go of all the violence I learned and took note of and at times, use now. After I move on, start again (for the millionth time) I think I'll be okay.

I don't know where I'm going to live. I want to be near a scene. Near people I understand. Near someone I can call a friend. I know that's not here. I'm obviously a squarepeg. But being here is making me stronger and realize what's wrong and what not to be, so I appreciate it.

Life is good right now, but just hard. It's a constant sweat.