my stomache hurts so bad, i probably ate something bad. and it feels a bit better when i eat, but theres nothing much to eat here...we went to target, and i got some cereal. my mother and her bf put a lock on the good fridge..goddammit! i found some leftover pasta and bread which was my dinner. blech...
i oogled the cute security guard at target. he kinda reminds me of P(xy) but like, a bajillion feet taller.

i cant wait for A(xx) to get home! arg! im writing her a letter, updating her on happenings and such. F(xy) was in the hospital...something bad happend. he said he thought a lot about me.."a weird amount, actually" he said..thats kinda weird. teenage guys really creep me out in a way. theyre so awkward...

OH MY GOD. I AM GOING TO DIE! STAB ME IN THE STOMACHE! IM GOING TO BARF!!!!!! KILL ME HARDDDD!!! PEOPLE WILL PAY! EVERYONE WILL PAY THEIR DEBT TO ME DUE TO MY STOMACHE!!!!!

i hope something happens tomarrow. Y(xy) will be here on friday. im nervous...i hope things will be cool. im taking him to a local ska show the next day.

the television sounds like hulk hogan. im not sure if its him. gerry from mu330 did the voice for the talking hulk. i wanna get it. "OH YEAH!!!"
now im gonna look at more cute japanese stuff...
-jo

those people know what its like to be alone on a friday nite with nothing to do! just like ME!
im just sitting here, wishing a(XX) wasnt out of state, or that someone would pick me up. or my mother didnt go to home depot with her boyfriend and wouldve taken me someplace like target or walmart...arg! i just wanna do something! all the cute guys are at the format show...i havent heard from P(xy) in about two days. meh. hes so pissy. im getting kind of sick of him. (him him him) oh well. hes nice in person, not on the internet.

i wish i had a lot of money so i could buy a ton of stuff! yesterday, i went out with L(xy) and i looked for a job. no such luck. maybe journeys. i hope i hope i hope! thatd be cool. i like shoes. and id get discount on diesels there...but id be considered "emo" if i got em. oh fuck that, dood. i dont care what people think of me. if theyre comfortable, thats all that matters. they look nice too. i want to buy lots of cute japanese stationary. and my footlocker. so i can put my stickers on it. and new pumas. and domokun. san-x. get my car goin. nice pants. nice make up. i want to be materialistic for a day! i think i deserve something new. used used used. well, i like used. but some of my friends consider "new" horrible. i dont. oh well. lemme be materialistic...

ive been eating too much. my stomache wont get full. it finally is now, but im drinking a soda and feeling gross and bloated. last week, i was 125. now im like, about 130 again. im afraid of weight gain. im about the size i wanna be, i cant let it go!

im going to LA in a few weeks. ill finally get to meet N(xy) i cant wait!! ill be leaving, meeting a cool guy, getting to shop, ill get to DRIVE out there, and it wont be super long. sometimes i cant stand to spend time with my father, cause he expects me to do everything he asks of me...
i feel like a geek. i now have a neopet. its not all cutesy like the other ones. its devilish. very kozik like. her name is koziminx. (it was going to be mink..that was taken..was going to be kozik..that was taken..minx was taken..mix em. boom. done)
maybe ill find some way to entertain myself, besides this goddamn computer...arg!
-jo

i was talkin to him on aim and he was showing this one girl who used to be his ex's and his girlfriend (you heard me right...him and his ex had girlfriends...fabulous..) pics of me...she thought i was cute, and that was great, but i know that theyre probably doing it right now..yeah. that makes me feel great. makes me feel great that seemingly every guy ive been with just looks at me as another score. they dont want to be WITH me.
yeah, its fucking fabulous.

no one wants me for me.
they just want to use me, whether it be for sex or work.
no one gives a shit about how i feel.
thanks a lot, people i care for.
-jo