I couldn't concentrate on one thing for more than five minutes today. Just jumping from one thing to another. I have one thing that's bothering me in particular. It's about one of my friends. it's just a weird situation and I feel like I'm intruding on something...cause he likes me like that but he's VERY taken....I'm just scared..

when I get my own little apartment, it's going to be painted in all lounge tones, with teek wood furniture and very space age accessories. I'll have little rice bowls and beer will always be in the fridge, as well as Skyy blue...my favorite. I'll have a big closet and a full sized bed. I've only had a twin sized bed my whole life. I'll have lounge music playing a lot. And a good dinner every nite. If I have friends by then, I'll have little parties and have futons that they can pass out on, then we'll have a hangover party in the morning. I hope to have a cute little grocery mart right down the street from me, where people will know me and I can buy strange produce and fresh flowers from. for a good price. I'll have nice lamps, too. and tikis.
I hope to have lovely tattoos.
I hope to get a tiny waist.

Maybe I'll get a boyfriend that'll have the same state of mind as me, and we can party out and be social, or stay in and be selfish with ourselves. we can paint and listen to music, and I can make him suits and we'll dance every nite. then we'll run off to vegas, get married and not tell anyone. and we'll have antique wedding bands. platnium.

we'll both have scooters. I'll have an aqua one and a red one. His will always change, cause he'll treat it like a toy. I find guys who can't make up their mind on stuff like that charming.

I'll travel a lot and meet lots of people who are hospitable and extremely talented.They'll be the new breed of inventors and artists and designers. We'll exchange services, and it'll be like the rat pack of the art world.

I have so many hopes and dreams and I'm afraid of meeting people along the way cause I'm scared to get hurt and let down again...just like I have in the past. People scare me...I care so much about them, but I know they don't about me. I tend to get attached, just cause I never had anything to attach to as a child and I want something permanent. Very very badly...I still feel like a child a lot of the time. I want to cuddle up to someone at nite, I want to just talk about random things to someone, and get praise...I didn't get much of that as a kid, and I'll do almost ANYTHING for it now....I'm awful..

things are a whirlwind...And I kinda like it in a sick way.
Boys are nice. I forgot how fun dating is. Since I've been free, I've actually gone on quite a few dates..well, a lot of dates...and it's fun. I've done the "party boy" thing twice now..It is kinda nice to just drink, chat, kiss and hug. fun stuff! umm..I do have my sights set on one guy imparticular...and he's SOO cute. He has a lovely voice, cute little shaved head, glasses and gorgeous tattoos...well, what I consider gorgeous. One arm says "ONE STEP BEYOND" and has walt and judy jabsco on the sides. The other arm has a checked shield. He's just too damn cute..Too too cute. We have so much in common, and when he mentioned that he was very interested in buddhism, my heart skipped a beat. We're both very interested in how people work and religion and thought processes. Isn't that just spectacular?
I'm too young to think of serious relationships and marriage and shit. I don't want to do that for a long time...There's so many options...and so many boys to look at...

I've gotten a lot of work. Selling a painting for $150. a job in a bar..etc. SO fun.

I'll be hanging out with the ladies more often too..

Things are great again. Every day is an adventure now. I really love the life I lead, and I have tons to look forward to.

I've decided I'm going to wait.
This is going to be hard.
I'm going to miss everything.
I'm just going to be numb for a while and wait.
Things are so difficult right now.
The lessons are roughly learned.
I'm gonna wait it out.
Maybe everything will be reconsidered?

I have band practice tomorrow. It'll be strange.
I don't know what the fuck I'm doing with my life.
I just want to rest for a while.
I slept so long last nite, and I woke up exhausted.
Things are getting better socially though.
I'm hanging out with people lately, and I like it.
I want school to be over. One month left.