oh lord, WHY DID I TOLERATE HIM??? seriously, okay, I haven't talked to him in quite a while. I went months without talking to him. He claimed we'd still be friends after he moved, but lord, with someone as self-centered as he is, he spends all his time on himself. I just talked to him, and he's like "I might have cancer." and I'm like "oh my gosh" (to myself) but I don't say anything on aim..and then he's like "DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME?? I THOUGHT YOU WOULD GIVE A FUCK!!! FINE!!!" and fucking SIGNED OFF!!!!

JESUS CHRIST! Sorry that you were on your man-rag!
The male species is CRAZY. seriously. They should all sign up for help groups and stop being so fucking retarded and learn some communication and sharing skills....with a tad of communication as well....

People are just crazy. There's some nice people out there, like my pals that I hung out with tonite...But people at school and at most other places need a little direction and manners. People are just so rude...

I'm still not in a steady state of mind with things with J(XY). It sucks. I miss him. I want to wait for him. Maybe when we're older, we can just start over. Maybe I can prove to him that I'm not going down the path I was? I think I can. I'm a good person now...or on the path to it, thanks to him. He's done so much for me. He helps me be a better person. We were so happy together. So, I guess that's that in a nutshell. I'm going to wait for him. Just to show how much I love him and how loyal I would be to him.
(COCKY BIT)
But seriously, would he EVER find a girl like me that shares the same passion as him for ska? for art? for intelligent conversation? for dancing? for nostalgia? for monogamy? Would he EVER find a girl that DIDN'T whine all the time, that DID respect him working, and such? Yeah, I did whine, but if I were there and saw him more often, I wouldn't have. I would've understood and done all that I could've to helped him out. Okay. Cockiness is over. Maybe it'll take him some time to realize that most girls are horrible to men.

Things are so crazy lately with school. It's like all my teachers think that their class is the only class I have. SO MUCH WORK!!!! I want to shoot people!! Painting is fun. fashion is basic. Math is sodomy. Humanities is bringing out the terrorist in me. Photo is useless. Anatomy is going too fast.
too many projects.
too much work.
too little time.
I'm suffocating!!!!

Once school gets out though, I'm going to try to work so I can save for my scooter.
I NEED MY STELLA!!!!!!

monkeydrummer11: like always talking about how bad he needs a date

monkeydrummer11: he's gone on like 1 date and maybe made out with the girl but there never real is any chemistry in the relationships

END THE PAIN. JUST SHOOT ME.

God, I stay up so late at nite just thinking and hoping and praying for you to say the things I've planned out in my head, the things you've already said.

the things you promised, the things you swore
they're absolutely nothing now just cause you strangled my last hope to guilt of the sins I had already shed.

Just rip out my stomach once more with your stabbing words. Just try a bit harder this time to hurt me indirectly and keep me on reserve.

thanks a lot for getting my hopes so high.

thanks for the insecure security.

thanks for making me feel like shit for what you weren't involved in.

thanks for ripping open the wounds and sucking the life outta me and using it for your cause.

thanks for changing my label so quickly. thanks for taking away the love I thought would be forever. THANKS FOR STRAIGHT UP LYING TO ME. THANKS FOR GIVING UP YOUR ALLIEGENCE.

I've had it. I can't control the manipulation game. I can't train my feelings.

the thought of your lips touching someone else...
the thought of another girl in my spot on your chest.
knowing that I'm replaceable.

I'm just another useless person in the world that ain't better than an easy fuck, a practice shot something to surpass and then think of all you got.

these broken knuckles are dedicated to you. each metacarpel broken in spite of all you've been up to. If i could transfer my eyes into yours, it would be apparent why I'm so goddamn sore. keep them, I don't want to see anymore. I'm appalled by all I've seen.